I realize that before I can move forward in describing my amazing bad ass affair, I need to give you a little history about my husband and me.

Sparknotes Version:

Girl meets Boy.

Girl falls madly in love with Boy.

Boy falls in love with Girl.

Boy graduates from college and moves out of town.

Boy and Girl have long distance relationship for two years.

Girl graduates and moves to live with Boy.

Girl and Boy get married.

Girl and Boy have children.

Boy has three fucking affairs.

Girl is heartbroken.